


Interns of the Morgue (aka, adventures of St Bart's young and sleep deprived)

by escailyy



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Interns & Internships, Interns are people, Jealousy trope, Just too much crack, Molly Hooper Appreciation, Molly is a good boss, Molly's interns adore her, Molly's interns just don't like him, Morgue godess and oblivious consulting detective, Oc characters that think Molly deserves to get laid, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Sherlock Being an Idiot, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson Friendship, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, This is crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escailyy/pseuds/escailyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet Patrick, Barbara ,Tyler, Eugenia, Sienna and Ivan. Top interns of the pathology and toxicology departments. <br/>these Extremely overworked Interns want the status quo back to how it was when Molly was engaged and are willing to do anything to make it happen.<br/>Including setting her up with Sherlock-proof men and placing a wager on it.<br/>Enter Sherlock "chastity belt" Holmes. The man these interns blame for Dr Hooper's workaholic-ism and lack of social life (and by extension their lack of social lives). This is their enemy. This is the virus that needs to be chased away with antibiotics.<br/>What happens when Molly does meet a Sherlock resistant man? What happens when she finally starts dating a non-criminal who can hold his own against his deductions? Will Sherlock finally realize his feelings or will the interns win their wager?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1: Young, hopeful and fed up…Aka: interns are also people

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this on tumblr already... Expect crack

The world of interns even that of the ones that surrounded the often exiting world of crime solving was often a thankless occupation. 

You were seen as the last link of the food chain, the errand runner, girls and boys Friday silently waiting for their superiors to dole out those much needed letter recommendations for the board of examiners that would one day blessedly grant you a license to practice your chosen field. 

In Sherlock Holmes immediate universe there were only two types of interns, police and medical. Residing (and making mistakes) in both New Scotland Yard and St Bart’s. 

But the medical interns in St Bart’s unlike their law enforcing counterparts, were a bit…different than normal future doctors. 

Of course it had a lot to do with Hospital director, Dr Westley’s perchance for scouting talent as soon as she could scoop a bright young mind straight out of the uni but mostly it was because the interns in St Bart’s had all (out of necessity) developed a high tolerance for the bizarre situations their hospital and staff often found themselves in. 

One could say they had all developed immunity to things that would scare an average intern like terrorist treats or murdering serial killers. For the interns in St Bart’s, those things were just another day in Sherlock Holmes favorite hospital and morgue. 

And no interns were ever more immune to bizarre situations than those in the pathology department. 

Ah but the life of an intern was also the sweetest thing, one was young one was climbing the ladder, one was ever filled with sarcasm and everlasting hope. Also interns were recognized in their function as the rumor mill conduct of the building. 

Which was how five certain interns found themselves sharing a table in the canteen and gossiping about their respective superiors, from Dr Hooper’s crush on Sherlock to Dr Stamford’s recent face rash, nothing was off limits “I swear if Dr Anderson yells again to his new smartphone I’m going to start a drinking game called “Siri that’s not what I meant” behind his back” young Tyler Moore sniggered biting into his pastrami “who in the world got him an IPhone? He’s so bad with phones a Nokia couldn’t survive him” 

“ tell me about it, Dr Quinn is loosing her bolts over the new equipment that the government donated for our chem lab…you would think she’s never seen a Theta Phi distillation device before” Sienna O'Connell was an intern in toxicology, she spent way too much time in the lab labeling samples and as a result had developed a surly disposition towards chemicals “Cheers to Mycroft Holmes, God of cool new equipment that my boss hates” she remarked raising her can of vending machine cappuccino to clink it with the others 

“Cheers” they agreed 

“May his brother never tire of giving our bosses grief” Eugenia Haywood agreed, she was Anderson’s second favorite intern (aka indentured servant) after Tyler and privately adored watching Sherlock deduce the man to death 

“Are we talking about Sherlock Holmes? Because if we are, please I beg you, stop, I haven’t slept in three days…I’m this close to a nervous breakdown and if Dr Hooper doesn’t go back home in the next three hours I swear I’ll consider reporting her to Dr Stamford” And that was Barbara Rosales, Molly Hooper’s top intern and right hand when it came to assistance in the lab. 

At her side the previous holder of the title Patrick Forrester patted her back consolingly “its all right Barbs, its all right you can cry, I’ll take over Dr H now, its all right” Patrick had been there a bit longer than Barbara after all, he of all interns knew that being singled out by St Bart’s resident pathology goddess meant saying goodbye to things like social lives and sleep “it used to be better when she was engaged you know, she used to actually take days off and everything” 

“Wait really? Back before his Highness came back? What was it like?” Sienna asked with curiosity “I mean, we all know its hard to not love Dr Molly but she lives and breathes pathology! Last I checked that woman was closer to a Nobel Prize than a noble marriage” 

“Sometimes we forget how little time you have been in the morgue Sienna” Eugenia sniggered “just last year Dr Hooper had a fiancée you know, perfectly polite..mediocre and dull, but it was more of a social life than most Doctors here have, she used to cook and take days off and even visit his family in Somerset…and then” 

“Sherlock Holmes came back and plunged our boss right back to the deepest darkest hells of morgue related workaholic-ism” Patrick finished with a sigh before Eugenia could get off tangent “now, she’s forever at his beck and call and we are likewise destined to look like the sleep deprived zombies of oncology if he doesn’t solve his latest case” 

“We love her, we really do, but there’s a reason our department calls Dr Hooper, “Dr Hoops” and its not exactly because she has mercy when she makes us jump trough them “ Barbara remarked snatching a Red Bull out of Tyler’s hand and gulping it down "I need liquid courage, please, before she pages me again and I get stuck assisting her next autopsy while his Highness does his best to send me to Dr Varma’s psychology wing” 

“If its any consolation we are all set to get a raise next month…courtesy of the British Government according to Dr H” 

“Dr Anderson says you guys get an extra bonus because of that case of the poisoned tattooed arms” Eugenia nodded 

“The one where Barbie had to stitch up three post mortems because His Highness threw a fit and destroyed one of our filing cabinets? Or the one where he had Dr H send Dimitri and I to sort through a dumpster of medical waste because the killer was our head paramedic?” Patrick wondered raising an eyebrow 

“The one that caused the backlog of post mortems” 

“Then hell yeah we deserve it! It took us weeks to fix up that mess..while Dr Anderson just waved you lot away to sleep, we had to stay overnight with Dr Hooper and give up our weekends” Patrick Hooted highfiving Barbara 

“Oh Honey Tyler and I will take a goodnight sleep over a bonus anytime if it means not being mind raped by Sherlock Holmes whenever he’s wants to make an intern cry” Eugenia laughed 

“You say that, but remind us again which pair of interns no longer have student loans?” Barbara shot back lifting her head from Patrick’s shoulder 

“I miss the two years he spent dead” Tyler groaned “I actually liked to work with Dr Hooper back then, we used to call her Dr McDarling and everything” Tyler was a bit resentful over the situation “Now his Highness runs through an intern per week and you both seem to be getting a bonus every time he manages to NOT send you packing” 

“Wait so why hasn’t he run you and Eugenia off?” Sienna asked with curiosity 

“Dr Anderson won’t let us quit, he actually wants to keep us here, so he let’s us get away with not working with the Consulting Detec-dick…” Eugenia explained with a sigh she mumbled “I also miss engaged Dr Hooper” 

“Dr Hoops is all the opposite to Dr Anderson, she makes us work overtime closely with His Highness in order to help him faster” Barbara told Sienna “on the other hand my next bonus will put a down payment for a car” 

“She’s hopelessly in love, that’s what she is” Patrick groaned “and we have to suffer for it” 

“Not "we”, just you and Barbie” Tyler corrected 

“Oh stars Dr Hoops just paged me, Paddy kill me now” Barbara almost sobbed looking at her pager “I need another Red Bull!! Please I can’t go back in there without at least three in my system…his Jerklock has a murder-suicide case” 

“So why don’t you guys find her a boyfriend?” Sienna wondered looking at the other four, all who choked on their drinks “I mean it could work, if she’s so hopelessly in love, then why don’t you find a way to return Dr Hooper to her “almost married” default settings..by finding her a boyfriend” 

“She’s had boyfriends already! They never survive one of the arsehole’s mind raping deductions” Tyler explained with a shudder “he did it to me once and I still have nightmares about it, Dr Hooper puts up with him because she’s got some weird sadomasochistic thing going on there but as far as normal people go, its futile” 

“Well then how about, not normal people, you know, eccentrics, painters, musicians, professors of symbology, there’s got to be at least one single man in each one of our acquittance that could survive a meeting with Sherlock Holmes unscathed” Eugenia suggested with a shrug “I used to babysit for a widowed diplomat back in my teens, he’s about Dr Hoops’s age, extremely handsome, amiable and docile, like a posh puppy, they would suit perfectly” 

“For my old thesis advisor in Oxford it would be love at first sight” Barbara offered grasping at the straws of Sienna’s crazy idea “Professor Hartford teaches criminology, he’s funny, morbid and its impossible to shock him, let alone cow him, he’d fall head over heels for her sweet temperament” 

The girls looked at Tyler and Patrick who both shrugged “ those are girly choices, our boss needs a real man, my call would be my uncle Tristan, he’s attractive, an air force pilot and globe trotting daredevil, he would actually take her out of the Morgue to enjoy life for a change” Patrick offered earning a nod of approval from Tyler 

“And my pick would be my Aikido mentor, Lionel Barnes, he’s a business man here in London, he’s a self made maverick, interesting, approachable and with fighting spirit, the only reason he’s single is because he’s always too busy with work” 

“Okay so, we have a diplomat, a professor, an air force pilot and a businessman all that’s missing is the artist” Sienna pointed out clapping her hands “I’ll introduce her to my eldest brother Jet, he’s got a gallery in the downtown shopping district, and he’s sort of a closet hippie, vegetarian, environmentalist, a crusader for human rights, she’ll adore him, he’s a modern Galahad” 

“A hippie??!” The other four hissed narrowing their eyes, Siena raised an eyebrow daring them to come up with a better plan 

“Fine the hippie stays” Eugenia agreed 

“Wait!!” Tyler held up his hand thinking about what could go wrong “we can’t let her make the mistake she made with Tom…are any of our candidates black haired, lanky, have alien features or happen to be slightly stupid?” 

All the interns looked at each other and shook their heads. Evidently they all had considered the same thing 

“Mine’s a Redhead” Eugenia sang raising her hand “And has a high IQ” 

“Ginger” Patrick seconded raising his “well built” 

“light Brunette” Barbara said “and Irish” 

“Dirty blonde” Tyler said “only slightly taller than her” 

“I think this would be the wrong moment to tell you that my brother recently dyed his hair White?” Sienna said sheepishly “he’s an artist” she said as an explanation 

“Fine! But since it was your idea, the hippie goes first” Eugenia challenged 

“Care to put your money where your mouth is?” Sienna shot back “let’s make it a wager” 

“I’m in ..let’s make it fair for all of us: The intern who’s candidate manages to keep Dr Hooper out of the Morgue for two days in a row WHILE Sherlock Holmes has a case” Tyler said outlining the wager “gets their lunch paid and all their night shifts covered….for a whole month” 

“But that’s impossible” Barbara groaned 

“ Why? You don’t think your pick has what it takes Barbie?” Patrick challenged “I’m in, prepare yourselves to eat dust my friends” 

“Oh hell no, I’m in for sure, let’s see how long your candidates last against Dr Hooper’s consulting chastity belt” Barbara snapped 

“Challenge accepted” Eugenia and Sienna agreed 

And as they were all paged back to work by their respective superiors, the five most determined interns of St Bartholomew’s Morgue began making plans on how to get their favorite pathologist back in the marriage mart again. 

Their first and foremost obstacle: one Sherlock Holmes. Who really had a habit of underestimating today’s youth. 


	2. Part 2: the fearless generation of today …aka: in your twenties you really think you can get away with anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly dates a string of very acceptable guys..and still she somehow always ends up breaking up with them thanks to Sherlock  
> Also... Sherlock eavesdropes on the interns and hears things that get burned into his mind palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing: Ivan, the low-key Sherlolly shipper of St Bart's.  
> Also, if I had it my way this chapter would totally have a musical sequence

“Your plan is going to fail” Ivan Schneider pointed out without lifting his eyes from the microscope “In fact I wager its going to backfire so spectacularly you won’t see it coming” 

Ivan (pronounced Eeeee-van), like Sienna had been hired into St Bart’s during the last months Sherlock Holmes was believed dead, but of all the new interns he was the most hardworking of the bunch, as a result he’d earned a bit of respect from his fellow colleagues at the bottom of the food chain. 

“Its all we have, besides I don’t see YOU entering the wager Mr Holier-than-thou Schneider” Eugenia joked elbowing him as she passed his side with an armful of files to dump on Tyler. 

Eugenia, Patrick, Sienna and Ivan were all in one of the teaching labs, each cataloguing a different set of samples that their bosses wanted (ASAP) along with Tyler and Barbara who were busy with the written part of the lab work “that’s because I know you all are kidding yourselves, haven’t you guys ever paid attention to the way Holmes interacts with Dr Hooper?” Ivan snorted after they told him the plan, shaking his head “one of these days those two are going to end up together, mark my words” 

All the interns around him tough, broke out in laughter followed by a chorus of “yeah right” and “when pigs fly” each doubling over in fits of laughter 

“Keep laughing you guys, but he likes her…I’ll prove it, why don’t I enter the wager” Ivan said almost entirely sure of himself “double or nothing, if Dr Hooper ends up with any of your proposed picks for her, and NOT with Sherlock Holmes, then I’ll take both the day and the night shifts of the winner and pay for their food for two extra months…If I win, then you five will pay the same forfeit PER PERSON” 

“What makes you so sure you’ll win?” Patrick rolled his eyes “he’s ignored her for years pal, you are setting yourself up” 

“Maybe in the past, but I’ve seen the way Holmes looks at her when she’s exclusively concentrated on an autopsy… Its so personal, intense like he’s trying not to smile…trust me, that Mr Darcy vibe he’s got going? That’s the real deal” Ivan shook his head returning his eyes to the microscope 

“But Dr Hooper isn’t Elizabeth Bennet, She’s Jane, and she deserves a Bingley not a Darcy” Barbara defended bravely 

“P&P’s Jane Bennet did, but our Jane cuts up corpses for a living and will be the head of this morgue once Dr Stamford retires” Ivan shrugged “I dont like Holmes either guys, but I know he likes her, besides if she could be happy with a Bingley, she’d be married to that Tom guy by now” 

“You suck Ivan” Sienna grumbled “and you are clearly delusional” 

The other interns accepted his wager with the condition that Ivan would have to help them all as a team and with the added member to their band of evil, Patrick, Barbara, Sienna, Tyler and Ivan set out to make the impossible happen. 

Sneak one past Sherlock Holmes. 

(Just for vanity’s sake let’s imagine the following sequence of events happening to the song “Scarecrow” by Alex and Sierra) 

The Hippie fell first. 

Sienna’s brother was an artist in his prime, whimsical with a perchance for sketching beautiful things and turning the ugly into works of art, setting Dr Hooper up with him was easy, all it took was a pair of puppy eyes from Sienna and Molly’s natural kindness to convince the target to pass a message down to her brother, telling him Sienna was “tied up” and wouldn’t be able to make it for their weekly get together. 

Jet was charmed at once by the colorful patterns on Molly’s sweaters and the way her hair alternated between brown and red in the light (as Sienna knew he would be) and begged the pathologist to at least have coffee with him while he made a quick sketch of her. 

He saw beauty in every ugly place, every beam of light had its own meaning in the cosmos, and Molly ended up her coffee date with him with ten times more zen and self esteem than she’d ever had, it was a really good start. 

The fallout naturally came when Sherlock Holmes noticed the (beautiful) sketch Jet had made for her days later, which framed proundly in Molly’s desk and with his usual Sherlock tact proceeded to rapidly deduce from the thickness and angles of the strokes in the sketch exactly what kind of skeletons Jet had in his closet (flighty, womanizing, indecisive, his attention to the curves of her mouth revealed a bunch of problems with his mother, the way he shaded her eyes spoke of blatant disregard towards her brain and ohh yes, he hated cats… _I detect a hint of female in the overall work, Molly I don’t think you need to loose your time with would be cross dressers_ ) 

Good thing Patrick had the foresight to send Sienna away, lest those revelations about her brother traumatize her for life. 

So the Hippie lasted three days and the following week, after getting fed up of Sherlock’s crazy again, the interns threw the dice and determined it was Patrick’s turn. 

Patrick being in more friendly terms with Dr Hooper struck out a conversation with her and Barbara during one of their post mortems and offhandedly suggested Aikido as an after work activity to keep herself in shape, swiftly taking advantage of the fact Sherlock had crassly pointed out once again something about Molly’s weight. 

Lionel Barnes got a call from Patrick saying he needed him to show his boss the basics of Aikido and that’s how Molly ended up in a gym with a very handsome businessman instructing her on the finer points of meditation. 

The best part was that it didn’t even look like a set up, two weeks past their meeting and Sherlock had only raised an eyebrow when he deduced Molly had joined a gym, Lionel on his part seemed to genuinely admire Molly’s drive and natural perseverance. 

Eventually, he too asked her out on a date. 

When said date fell right on the night Sherlock Holmes was almost finishing a case of stolen jewels Patrick was sure he would win. 

Except he didn’t because dammit Sherlock bloody Holmes had practically text-dragged Molly out of a very nice boat ride in Lionel’s private yacht and back to the morgue by just texting her a couple of pictures featuring dismembered cadavers in some sort of Illuminati pyramid. 

When Lionel told him the following Aikido class that while Molly was fascinating, he really felt squeamish when he thought about her day job, Patrick knew he’d lost his candidate too. 

By the time it was Tyler’s turn, Sienna and Patrick had to help him enlist the aid of Dr Watson “You are doing what?” John Watson chuckled when the interns confessed to operation GOBAD (Get Our Boss A D..ate) “All right I’ll help, but I don’t know what you all expect me to do” 

“Just help us keep him out of Dr Hooper’s hair, we’ll do the rest” Eugenia said confidently while her fellow colleagues plotted 

Dr Watson laughed and muttered something about the wonders of being young before leaving to tell his wife all about the new development 

Later over dinner John told Mary about the intern’s (desperate) matchmaking plan, the same Mary who later called Anthea who mentioned it to Mycroft who passed down the order to Sherlock’s security detail (keep him busy, and away from the morgue) who eventually showed up at St Bart’s with ideas on how to keep Sherlock from cockblocking Molly’s dates. 

(Privately, Mrs Hudson had her own betting pool, and most of the crew had their money on Ivan) 

And still when the crew of young interns convinced Molly to join them all for drinks in a pub that Tyler’s handsome air force pilot uncle happened to own, somehow the threat of Sherlock Holmes ruining it felt all more real. 

Tristan was a man raised in the wrong side of Sussex, he’d straighted himself out in his late twenties but he still kept that thrilling bad boy aura that attracted women everywhere. 

Lucky for Tyler, he knew that his uncle had been looking to settle down with a nice girl for sometime and all he had to do was personally introduce Molly to him in a pub. 

Molly might have been an adult, well rounded pathologist, but even she wasn’t immune to the effects of a man with as much raw masculinity as Tristan. Tristan who was handsome, male and passionate, with a thirst for life that endeared any woman to his bad boy image. 

It might have been lust at first sight but for the interns in St Bart’s it was enough to start with. 

And thanks to the intervention of their new allies Molly’s “thing” with Tristan lasted for a whole two months and a half ( _it’s not a relationship, no, Greg I’m not sure if I want to label it so early on, yes he introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends in the pub John, no I don’t think he’s a secret agent from Moriarty in disguise Mary_ ). 

He was wild, he took her flying every weekend and was crazy about extreme sports, he seemed smitten with Molly and had made no secret of the fact he wanted to settle down and have 2.5 kids when their relationship ( _its sex! Not a relationship Meena!_ ) became serious. 

Tristan was a reprieve from work, he was “couple of minutes late for an autopsy” , a weekend flying to Italy and a kiss before she left his flat, to put it simply, he was a boy toy, and soon the interested party (aka: Molly’s underlings) saw it. 

Just as Sherlock did. 

(End of the musical sequence please) 

So the airforce pilot? The demise of that one was entirely the crew’s fault, because as gossipmongers went, those six interns chose exactly the wrong moment of the weekend night shift to speculate on the sex life of their beloved boss. 

It just happened that crime never sleeps and Sherlock Holmes found himself personally walking trough the toxicology lab wing in time to hear Molly and Anderson’s interns talk. 

“At least Dr Hooper’s having great sex, its better than nothing I guess” Tyler sighed, passing the samples to Sienna for inspection, by his tone, Sherlock deduced that the group apparently had been talking about the subject for a while “we should be happy for her, it’s not a relationship but well, sex seems to be making serotonin work its magic on her” 

Sherlock pondered the revelation but was interrupted in his thinking when one of the toxicology interns gave a derisive snort and Anderson’s less annoying intern laughed “oh stop looking like you swallowed a bug Ivan, its not like you haven’t had dirty fantasies about Dr Hooper’s using her bossy tone on you to tell you you’ve been a bad, very bad intern” Eugenia teased 

“No I haven’t!” Ivan squeaked “Dr Hooper is my superior and she’s kind and supportive and a great teacher and..” 

“And you wouldn’t mind if she ordered you to strip down to your knickers instead of asking you to run tox screens” Sherlock recognized that voice as one of Molly’s female interns, the one who always moved his cultures “its okay, we’ve all felt attracted to her one time or another, right guys” Barbara said offhandedly like it was no big deal. 

The rest of the room gave embarrassed coughs of agreements. 

“She’s got a ‘endearing dungeon mistress’ thing going on when she glares” Patrick agreed and Sherlock had to physically restrain himself from storming in the room and shaking the idiot for both talking like that and for putting the image in his head “I mean, I don’t know if she’s into that stuff but, she looks like the kind of woman that enjoys using kindness to make a guy beg” 

“Definitely not a whips and leather kind of Dom that’s for sure” Eugenia hummed offered her two cents while she cleaned up empty chemistry vials “knowing Dr Hooper, she looks like a fan of tulle covered pillows and restraints made of white lace” 

“ I know right?!, Dr Hooper would probably wear delicate underwear peppered with cute bows and tie you up to the bed with the the most loving expression” Barbara agreed with a wistful sigh “While you beg her to stop being so kind and just punish you” the other interns snorted together to which the girl said “What? I might be straight as a ruler but even I’ve had teacher fantasies that feature Dr Hooper… She’s so sweet with us, one can’t help wondering if she’s sweet all over” 

Now Sherlock wanted to kill that intern more than the previous one for putting the graphics in his head, he’d never thought about Molly that way, well, maybe once or twice but that didn’t give them, the right to be so bold when talking about HIS pathologist, because now he was effectively imagining said pathologist fingering bolts of French lace in the privacy of her bedroom…He had to admit that Molly’s interns were very good at imagining her in bed, which made Sherlock feel strangely angry at them. 

He didn’t care to examine why, he’d heard St Bart’s staff discuss many other doctors of the morgue in a similar manner before and never been slightly perturbed. Not even he’d overheard a group of nurses saying much more worse things about Anderson (of all people) if anything interns talking about Molly should feel like hearing a child talk about owning a candy factory. It was Innocent speculation that belonged more in the realm of fiction than anything else. But it still bloody made him angry. 

Sherlock made a note to mentally delete all the Molly related imagery this was creating. 

“I wonder too” Eugenia agreed “let’s just say that if she’s ever up for an "experiment” I’d volunteer as test subject" 

Sherlock looked down at his knuckles and noticed they were white from being clenched so much. 

“Wouldn’t we all” Tyler agreed “wouldn’t we all” 

“Ivan come on don’t be a buzzkill it’s two am, and were all friends here, you can admit you’ve thought about it! She’s cuteness personified and she runs this place like a goddess” Sienna nudged her fellow intern with mirth 

“Fine, okay I have! But I feel very uncomfortable talking about it, especially when it looks like those jumpers she wears are begging a lucky guy to come see what’s under, I mean come on! I respect Dr H like crazy, but I’m still a guy…” 

“Classic new guy, still stuck in the 'how to take off jumpers?’ Fantasy” Tyler shook his head “give it time, you’ll move on to her 'lab coats’ category soon enough” 

“Aye!” Patrick agreed “but that’s something to discuss among us men, not around other lab coat wearing girls” 

Now Sherlock really regretted not making Molly’s interns cry harder when they messed up in the morgue, it would serve them right for putting him trough this brand of discomfort. 

“Hey!” Eugenia, Sienna and Barbara protested 

“I knew it! So you do think about it” Sienna laughed 

“Sometimes, I mean, who doesn’t think about it, a random night shift, a moment left alone together in the morgue…discussing work with her, one thing leads to another” Ivan shyly said almost stammering under Sienna’s stare 

All the other interns apparently had thought about it already because once again they made noises of agreement 

“too bad there’s only one man Dr Hooper is ever left alone with during long nights in the lab…” Barbara teased finishing off her last bit of paperwork, her tone making it clear to the others that they should end the conversation before someone came into the lab. 

And Sherlock didn’t have to be a genius to know that the next thing that was going to be discussed was… 

“One Sherlock Holmes!!!” The rest replied together in a chorus of laughter 

“And isn’t that the saddest thing?” Ivan finished the conversation handing off his batch of skin samples to the empty handed Barbara “the one man who doesn’t think kindness is an aphrodisiac” 

Eugenia quickly picked up the thread and deftly changed the subject “Not as sad as Mr Big bladder’s autopsy this morning, I swear Dr Anderson looked green when he was dissecting that man’s bloated testicles, they were the size of melons” 

“Dr Quinn said he would personally research more extensively the poison that made the victim die that way…for science” Sienna laughed “and if he finds something interesting, who knows I might just use that chemical on my next cheating boyfriend” 

“And they thought I was the mean one in this place” Eugenia muttered 

Sherlock decided he should leave his post behind the door before they started discussing sixty two year old Dr Quinn in a way he’d also need to delete, but not before committing to memory the voices of those idiotic interns, one way or another he’d make them all quit St Bart’s before Christmas. 

His feet on routine led him to Molly’s dissection lab where he’d been coming from, just minutes before going to toxicology, John was waiting there of course along with yes, Molly. 

But like always Sherlock tried to ignore that while he plotted inside his head. 

He’d been planning how to rid himself of the annoying pests of interns Anderson, Quinn and Molly had when John brought him back to the present. 

“I told you the tox scan probably wasn’t ready Sherlock, honestly” John Watson sighed shaking his head and wrongfully assuming the cause of Sherlock’s surly expression “… no matter the new equipment they have, it might still take a couple of hours to discover what were Mr Chen’s kidneys submerged in at the time of death” 

“His aorta was severed in such a strange angle, why would a killer want to go for the neck when he or she has already found a way to make the victim’s own body boil itself to death?” Molly observed leaning down to touch the body’s neck, accidentally drawing Sherlock’s eyes to the spot where her lab coat touched her neck. 

A flash to the conversation he’d just overheard and suddenly Sherlock was once assaulted with the image of a scantily dressed pathologist warping her hands around ribbons of white lace, right in the moment Molly turned to look at him. 

“Sherlock are you all right?” Molly asked picking up on the fact he hadn’t started to rattle off deductions right away. 

“Yes Molly, I am perfectly fine” Sherlock snapped clenching his fists and avoiding her eyes “Seeing as I couldn’t get the tox scan I wanted, honestly could your interns be more incompetent?” 

“I evaluated the contents of his stomach already, perhaps we could start there while we wait for the results to be ready” Molly didn’t rise to the bait like always and continued on trying to appease him. 

Sherlock knew he needed to leave before John began to notice his twitchy demeanor (brought forth by the fact he could no longer look a Molly Hooper in the eye without his brain giving him a re-play of the graphic images those cursed interns had put in his head) so he shook his head in exasperation “he was the owner of a deli, you won’t find much in his stomach other than copious amounts of sugar and the occasional anti acid chemical, like I told Lestrade, the poison wasn’t ingested, which is why we won’t get much further tonight without that toxicology scan” and with that he turned on his heel and made to leave “if you’ll excuse me, I will see you in the morning” 

John gave Molly an apologetic smile before following after him but not before catching the pathologist’s quizzical look. 

That night was the first time something in Sherlock’s memory banks refused to delete itself. And that made him increasingly more grumpy once he returned to the morgue and had to face Molly. 

He blamed her interns for it, evidently Sherlock had let Molly’s dalliance with the idiot nymphomaniac of Sussex last too long and now she was growing soft with the lot. So he made it his mission to get his pathologist’s attention back where it belonged. ( it had nothing to do with him being a possessive prat, he wasn’t being petty at all) 

After that It only took one long case, two calls to Mycroft and three unannounced visits to her flat for Molly to give in and break up with Tristan. 

And with Dr Hooper’s boy toy out of her life and Sherlock Holmes sudden hit list when it came to them, the interns were on the verge of filing for early retirement. 

“You guys got it all wrong” Barbara sang as their crew converged in a pub to drink their sorrows away “you picked your candidates on their ability to woo Dr H, when you should have focused on their ability to BYPASS Sherlock Holmes” 

“And how do you suppose we find that paragon of virtue? James Moriarty couldn’t do it and Dr Hooper DATED him” Tyler scoffed 

“oh believe me, I know a man as insufferable as he is, incidentally he is also quite fond of brunettes” 

And that was how eventually Barbara Rosales got to be two hours away from almost winning the wager. 

Because professor Declan Hartford was exactly the paragon of virtue who could make Sherlock doubt his place in Molly’s life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so she dated “the sweet one”, “the rich one” and “the hot one”, let’s face it, we all know Sherlock’s competition is going to be “the smart one”…stay tuned… Also.  
> ps: who in their life hasn’t had a crush on a cute teacher?   
> Don't forget to review


	3. Part 3: A perfectly, perfect man (aka: when you're young and stubborn, stupidity is a matter of perspective)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock Holmes is faced a true enemy. The smart man inlove with his pathologist who....has no criminal tendencies unfortunately.  
> Looks like Barbara the intern is on the road to victory.  
> And Molly is too sweet to get it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is procastinating on her Sherlolly fic exchange one shot?.  
> eoin macken is my FC for Declan....so witout further ado may I present to you Declan Hartford: the sociable handsome nerdy boyfriend all girls wish they had (aka: Molly's Mr Bingley..

 

 

"Professor Hartford!" Barbara sang into the phone as the man on the other end picked up "Remember me? I'm..."

"Don't bother I would recognize that accent anywhere..you are Barbie the scribbler, thesis number 47, best student in my 3pm class, terrible punctuality, even worse lying skills, too pretty to be taken seriously, you wanted to be a dermatologist before I smacked some sense into your skull" the jovial man at the other end answered "are you calling to finally thank me for it or because I'm giving a lecture in London this Friday and you'd like to attend free of charge?"

"Professor Hardass you're such a jerk" Barbara snapped trying to keep the smile off her face "as it happens you are right... How many former students of yours have called already to set a precedent?" Knowing like a knee jerk reaction that Hartford never liked to be asked why's and how's, but preferred to be asked questions containing answers she figured out herself.

"Only Four, I expect ten more calls by mid afternoon" Professor Hartford replied "fortunately for your my almost dermatologist child, I actually like you"

"Do you mind if I bring my boss to the lecture then? Dr Hooper recently published a paper that deals with DNA testing after exhumation and I've been wondering if I could refine my old thesis into something worth looking into" Barbara didn't lie, she just omitted a few details

"That's the spirit Miss Rosales, push yourself past your comfort zone, I'm glad at least one of my former students aspires to be something other than a reality tv star" Professor Hartford congratulated "you can bring your new mentor as your plus one, I could use an update on how you're faring post uni"

"Thanks professor Hartford, I'll be there with the outline of my new paper"

Barbara hadn't grown up in a family of six without being sneaky, she'd been more patient than the others, she'd endured Sherlock Holmes, kept her head down and waited for the excitement of Molly's previous boy toy to fade. Then she grabbed the opportunity when her crew of co-cospirators thought she couldn't do it.

"Dr Hooper, Dr Hooper wait up" Barbara called as Molly was finishing her shift, handing Molly a flyer for Professor Hartford's presentation "would you like to attend a criminology lecture with me on Saturday? I know you're probably busy" Lie, Barbara knew she wasn't "But, the lecturer is an old professor of mine and I...well I don't want to show up there without backup, after uni even my mentor expected me not to be able to make it in London"

"Oh, I know the feeling" Molly sighed reading over the flyer "this actually sounds interesting 'Body of Proof: what happens when the crime scene IS the body' by Declan W Hartford" she read skimming over the topics the lecture would focus on "I'm glad you brought this to my attention, I often miss good lectures when they happen since I rarely keep up with the hospital's message board, of course I'll go with you Barbara" Molly smiled kindly to her favorite intern "us pathology girls have to be united right?"

"Thank you Dr H!! You're the best!"

Barbara tried not to be disappointed when her boss showed up to the lecture hall dressed like she wanted to blend in with the furniture, but that didn't stop her from being hopeful. Professor Hartford's lecture was as educational as she'd ever hoped it could be and by the look in Dr Hooper's face she was impressed by him too.

It didn't hurt that Declan Hartford was handsome ( dark brown hair, that reached his neck, square jaw, perfect lips, plus a perfect five o'clock shadow that hinted at his reluctance to shave before any lecture, he had to be one of the few men in the world who could make a short mustache look attractive), had an Irish accent and liked to insert a few morbid jokes in between talking of crime and death.

Barbara would have called him a great catch...except he was also extremely smart and had a habit of turning into a patronizing asshole when he noticed that people around him weren't trying to use their heads. Which was why never dated any woman who wasn't up to par with his advanced nerd boy gibberish.

He was either going to be Sherlock's death or Molly's disapointment and Barbara really hoped setting them up would work.

When it was time to leave, Barbara dragged Molly to meet Declan and soon had her answer.

"I'm not saying you are wrong per-se, I'm just saying that grey matter is much more delicate in a post mortem than minutes after the coroner has the body, which is why as a pathologist I prefer to handle it with silicon based tools and not any other material, but maybe that's my personal preference" Molly pointed out minutes after starting a discussion on cadaver prep tools

And suddenly Declan looked at her with a surprised face Barbara had never seen before "you are right" he realized "why don't the forensics take note of that? If anything sterilized silicone should be used more...I need to add that to my notes"

"Well I don't think that..."

"No it is Dr Hooper, small things like these make criminology a better playing field"

"Please call me Molly, I think your views on accelerated decomposition are very on point, if only detecting foreign DNA in a victim was as easy as passing it trough a metal detector..."

"One can only dream of a Dr Who scenario like that, but alas, technology is still light years from being that advanced" Professor Hartford threw in casually hoping to get a read on Molly "and if I should call you Molly, then please use my first name, I know Declan isn't very dignified for a professor but not all of us can be Charles and Henrys"

At their side sneaky Barbara beamed and Molly blushed "You also watch Dr Who? But you're..."

"So serious?" Declan smiled pushing his wire framed glasses up his eyes "its a guilty pleasure I'm afraid"

"Me too, especially this season, but since I keep long hours in the morgue my friend Meena records them for me"

"The woes of the working class, I myself have caught the habit of downloading online the episodes I miss, tell me Molly what do you think of cold case DNA profiles, one of my old students had a case of triplets, in which one framed the other two taking advantage of this piece of evidence.."

"Oops look at the time, I promised mom I wouldn't be late home tonight" Barbara interjected pretending to look at the clock "it was so nice to see you professor perhaps we can discus my paper some other time"

"But Barbara...are you sure you can't stay, we could hail a cab together if you wanted" Molly frowned but luckily Declan wasn't ready to let her slip away that easy

"Or I could tell the faculty driver to see this almost dermatologist home safely and we can continue our conversation with a couple of my colleagues"

"Almost dermatologist?" Molly inquired trying to hide her mirth

"Professor don't start" Barbara groaned "fine! I'll take your offer, please do stay Dr Hooper, there's supposed to be refreshments soon and you MUST try them in my place"  
And not very conspicuously Barbara hightailed out of the conference hall in order to give her two mentors privacy . Declan and Molly only looked at each other perplexedly before starting to chuckle.

"She thinks she's being subtle" Professor Hartford confided wiggling his eyebrows "you should have met her when she was a college senior...All that raw talent and no idea whatsoever of what to do with her life"

"Do all your former students try this often?" Molly giggled "that was the worst attempt at a set up I've ever seen"

Declan was struck for a moment by how beautiful Molly looked when she laughed "I have half a mind to send her a thank you note" he replied offering Molly his arm like a mock gentleman "Shall we make sure her efforts are in vain beautiful madam?"

That evening Molly stayed talking with Declan way until it was time to close the conference hall. They mostly talked about their jobs, despairing over technology and body mutilating tools, soon Molly learned that Declan was a veritable open book, whatever she asked personal or otherwise he answered with an easy smile.

He confided that before becoming a professor he'd spent most of his life working with the intelligence division of MI6, after being scouted into their ranks very young, but he'd chosen to retire and go into teaching when one of his fallen comrades named him sole guardian of a pair of seventeen year old boys.

Later to keep an eye on them he'd gone undercover as substitute teacher to the the university of Bristol and after the first year there, he'd been sold: this was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, so he applied for a permanent position and never regretted the choice.

She told him how she herself had chosen pathology after finding herself in crossroads because of her father's death and agreed with many of his points of view regarding the proper care of cadavers.

All in all Molly found herself happily entertained with the way Declan managed to swiftly transition from one serious subject to another nonchalant one, if only she didn't have so much work she could see them both becoming friends.

Declan on the other hand was already halfway into lovesickness with the way she spoke of autopsy tools and pathology papers.

Best of all for Molly, even when Sherlock's name came up a lot when she described the nuances of her job, Declan didn't seem to mind or care a wit about the consulting detective, if anything he was more concerned with rolling his eyes at the antics of her coworkers.

By the time she had to leave they exchanged numbers and emails but spoke nothing of seeing each other again.

That until Molly walked up to St Bart's reception the next morning and found a group of female doctors surrounding a nurse holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

Molly naturally thought nothing of it, feeling a slight twinge of envy at the lucky girl, because the arrangement was really striking, when one took note how it was warped in fancy tissue paper and held together with a sunshine colored ribbon.

Surprising everyone the nurse waved when she saw Molly "Dr Hooper! Look this came for you a few minutes ago!" She called out, carefully handing the flowers in her direction like if she were handling a baby

"isn't it a sight" Dr Lin from orthopedics sighed wistfully "I wish my Marcus sent me flowers like these to work once in a while"

The other group of doctors nodded cooing over the bouquet in Molly's arms "For me? Really? I think the delivery man might have been mistaken" Molly mused feeling self conscious at all the attention, opening the card she laughed at the silly poem inside it.

"Scalpels are sharp  
I think you are too  
With a bit of luck  
I will (hopefully) see you soon

-Declan Hartford"

"Aww how sweet Molly, he's a poet, bloke must really like you" another doctor gushed

John Watson tough ignored the development as he came in the morgue following a frowning Sherlock on his way to the lab "Hey Molly, pretty flowers" he teased as he passed by "a secret admirer?"

"Oh pish Dr Watson, we're in the middle of something here, do tell Molly, what did the card mean?" Dr Lin pushed, reading the card again.

Molly's delighted laughter made even Sherlock stop in his tracks "its Victorian flower language! " she guessed easily trying to smother her giggles "I admit I'm little rusty in floriography but I think Amethyst meant something about admiration" Molly pointed to the first set of flowers, unaware of Sherlock's surprised stare or the fact that John wasn't even pretending not to gawk anymore, Molly continued trying to explain to the gaggle of women exactly what Declan cryptically said in his bouquet "Blue Periwinkle, that's easy, it's supposed to stand for new friendship and Caladium is a way to express Joy, but this one...I don't understand what this one is supposed to mean" she said picking the lone purple flower that stood in the middle of the arrangement.

"Will you dance with me?" Sherlock said decisively looking from Molly to the flowers, his gaze jumping from one to the other

"What?" Molly blinked wondering if she was dreaming.

"It's a Viscaria, a lone Viscaria translates into an invitation to dance, it has no other meaning" Sherlock declared a bit coldly before turning on his heel with a huff and storming off (and if John noticed his clenched fists, well that was John)

"Oh, I get it, the flower bloke is trying to ask you out" the nurse ventured with a bit of an envious undertone to her voice, John looked closely at Molly's face trying to see her reaction and wondered what to make of it all.

"Oh right, that's what the message probably says: Our new friendship brings me joy, I admire you, will you go out dancing with me" Molly agreed smiling, she'd only mentioned in passing to Declan that she'd never been the type of girl to receive flowers at work and only because one of his colleagues had enquired rudely about why she was still single. She hadn't meant anything by the comment but apparently Declan had taken it personally and sent her something beautiful.

Reading her face accurately Dr Watson decided that he had seen enough to tell Mary, walking away from Molly he headed down to the hospital's canteen knowing very well that Sherlock's mood was bound to make him need a good strong coffee before they saw inspector Lestrade.

"Okay which one of you has a stake on this one?" John accused when he spied the group of troublemaking interns huddled together whispering among themselves.

But back to Molly, she was easily discovering that Declan's kind gesture was making her quite popular among the women of the hospital. Apparently receiving a posh arrangement of flowers with a dash of poetry was quite romantic and when a successful single woman received a romantic gift at work it meant that an epic romance was on foot. And who didn't love epic hospital romances?.

Sherlock Holmes apparently. Who breezed into the morgue with the worst scowl ever.

Ignoring the consulting detective's bizarre bad mood, she sent Declan a text thanking him for the thoughtful detail adding that yes, she'd love to go dancing with him.

And his reply made her smile.

10:29

Every girl deserves flowers at work Molly, no matter how independent.  
-D.H  
10:30

Molly there's this Dr Who themed pub called "TARDIS" in downtown London, I've never had the courage to go without a partner, so what do you say, fancy drinking a Sonic Screwdriver later?  
-D.H

"Molly I need you in the lab, Lestrade mucked up the evidence again" Sherlock interrupted rudely and if Molly hadn't known better, she would have sworn Sherlock wanted to grab her phone and break it. But that was ridiculous, he was probably having a bad day with Mycroft again, Sherlock had a one track mind during cases.

And so it happened that Molly and Declan's first date was a success. Turns out the handsome Irishman had a secret obsession with pop culture related television shows and really millennial ish sense of humor that while bizarre to most of the human race, was entirely adorable to Molly. Especially when he started ranting about the Doctor not doing a better job to save Amy and Rory.

More than knowledgeable, professor Declan Hartford was quite entertaining when he talked. From government conspiracies that he believed were true to theories on the plot of Hannibal's next season, Molly didn't feel bored at all, Declan actually made debating the finer points American vs British forensics seem like a worthwhile discussion.

Meanwhile her date had already been falling head over heels. Declan declared to all that would hear that one had to be an idiot to let a gem like Molly go.

And he let her know his feelings quite honestly when he dropped her off at her flat. Because he really was an open book. To put it simply, more than dating, Declan wanted a chance to woo her.

From then on, Hartford's presence in Molly's life became a thorn in Sherlock's side.

Mycroft unsurprisingly proved to be of no help when he emailed Sherlock the background check he'd asked (demanded) on the retired Declan Wayne Hartford alias Agent H-486, member of the intelligence division of criminal psychology subsector 7, loyal servant of the crown.

On paper the man was as clean as he could be within the Home Office, almost boringly so, which was why it had been easy to let him go, according to the report about his early retirement. Agent H-426 hadn't been a fool in his job, but he hadn't been particularly outstanding either, sporting a lack of ambition often seen in 9 to 5 office workers, truthfully he'd just been perfectly average, both in missions and in paperwork duty. In the end it was decided that letting the man continue serving the crown as a professor in Bristol (influencing future MI6), where his brain and skills where evidently put to a better use would be a better choice than keeping him on the payroll.

According to the report that's all Declan Hartford amounted to: a smart man with a an average past in Mi6 who's worst non-MI6 crimes were a fair share of friendly speeding tickets in Dublin.

For some reason that vexed Sherlock even more.

At first is was a mere nuisance, flower arrangements sent to St Bart's with cryptic little poems that only Molly could make sense of, gift warped scalpels with her initials carved in them, books on forensics that weren't on her desk the day before.

("Molly I already have those books in Baker Street"

"Well yes, but Declan thought I could use my own copy when I mentioned converting the guest room you never use into a library')

It didn't help that Sherlock was very good with Victorian flower language and unlike Molly could figure them out within seconds of smelling her office.

(Day two had been: Your wisdom amazes me, Day three: I look forward to having your love, Day four: My heart despairs without your smiles, Day five: I am fortunate for you make me happy) and so on. Stupid sentimental drivel

Sherlock hadn't even met the man and he already hated him. It seemed that whatever he tried to do to stop Molly's "distractions" with that lowly professor the man always, idiotically...fought back.

If Sherlock made her cancel a date because of a case then his opponent would show up at her flat with breakfast the next morning and intentionally make Molly arrive late to the morgue.

If Sherlock turned off Molly's phone or hid it when it was ringing, lo and behold, Professor Hartford would text Molly's culture-moving intern in order to remind Molly to call him.

Not that Sherlock did those things on purpose, he wasn't jealous. Least of all of a shoddy ex MI6 with a terrible accent, who wrote bad poetry to impress Molly and possessed the music taste of a tone deaf idiot. But this stranger was "distracting" his pathologist and worse of all unlike her previous dates, this one was SUCCESSFUL in keeping her distracted.

It got worse for him as she got to know the man better.

Turns out Declan Hartford not only was a regular theater enthusiast, fan of Doctor Who and science fiction American programmes (What in the word where "the X-Files" and why was Molly so abruptly interested in those DVDs?) : he was also a cat person.

Not just a cat person, but a kitten loving cat rescuer who liked to gallantly volunteer in pet shelters to help deliver the little beasts into the world (Sherlock's had investigated *cough* Shamelessly snooped *cough* trough Molly's phone and found the videos Declan sent her)

And there was nothing more adorable to females than a handsome man who liked small helpless animals and wasn't afraid of nursing one back to health.

If Sherlock had to hear another person in St Barts covertly gossip about Molly's new prince charming-esque admirer, he was going to scream.

Also Molly was charmed when at the end of one of their dates along with the flowers, Declan also sent her a fancy pet sweater labeled "for Toby"

( Sherlock privately felt vindicated when Toby used his claws to tear said gift to shreds, at least Molly's hellion cat hated Hartford too)

It all came to head when (despite all of Molly's interns efforts to keep them apart) the criminology professor and the consulting detective met in the morgue.

Two months or so into his "wooing" London's Comic Con came to Declan's attention and wanting to surprise Molly with VIP Merlin panel seats, he moved a couple of influences to be allowed in the morgue a day the pathologist wasn't expecting him.

"Guess who is going to get the autograph of Colin Morgan next month?" A strong Irish voice asked covering Molly's eyes from behind as she entered her office after finishing an autopsy "personally...hopefully in a T-shirt we can frame and put here"

"Declan! What are you doing here?" Molly squeaked turning around delighted

"If Molly won't go to the picnic, the picnic will come to Molly" Declan shrugged mischievously pulling a basket from behind his back with one hand and showing her the panel tickets with the other "I'm so sorry to say I might have caved after two cancelled dates and called your boss to see what day he'd let me come in to surprise you" the handsome Irishman admitted sheepishly

"And Mike agreed to this?"

"After what I assume was a mandatory background check? he did... Nothing I wouldn't expect from an average boss"

"Well consider me pleasantly surprised, of course I'll go with you to Comic Con"

"Just don't tell any of my students" Declan chuckled "they have a ball out of demonizing me each semester and to have them find out that I am in fact human might be too much to handle, I hate to spoil their favorite hobby"

"Oh it can't be as bad as that, Barbara sings you praises" Molly shook her head, Barts was a teaching hospital after all and she herself knew how some students could be "I'm sure you are exaggerating"

"I'm not believe me, sure they all sing me praises... after graduation, but during my classes it's a different story, I think I've been called every variation of Satan available in most known cultures, complete with notebook doodles and artwork included in essays I grade" Declan confessed without shame ticking the fingers of his hand "Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Abbadon, Diablo, Moloch, Shiva, Azazel" he stopped and thought for a moment before adding " I'm almost afraid the goggle who Kölski, Voland,Yen Lo Wang and Tchort are supposed to be, but given the impressive artwork some students have included in their failed essays I have an inkling that those too might also be Satan"

"Satan? Really?" Molly shook her head "that's rubbish, yes you're a bit neurotic and your organization skills border on OCD, but that hardly qualifies you as the next Antichrist"

"Molly, I have a Twitter account where I post all my student's essay mistakes and tag it as #FailFailFail" Declan deadpanned, ever the honest man "I give no extra credits, or extensions unless a student brings me a signed police warrant outlining why I should...What else?" He hummed putting his index finger to his chin "I've been known to give lectures and ask random obscure questions that force them to analyze whole books, score shame my students and include comments about their personal problems in their test sheets, don't think I don't know why they hate me"

"I take it back, you're obviously evil, if I were in your classes I would call you Satan too" Molly laughed "but if you know they hate you why do you keep doing it?"

Declan's eyes took on a renewed sort of thoughtfulness "The world isn't a nice place out there Molly, I know I don't have to tell you of all people how unforgiving a successful career can be, criminology isn't for the heroes and the trust fund kids, it's for the minority willing to face the harsh realities, those who can accept how unfair death and crime can be and still manage to go home and smile for their families" Declan continued with a wistful smile "every single student that I pass leaves me knowing this, they learn the texts and the technical dribble, but they also learn that real life is as unfair as their worst professor and if they can make it through my class, they can make it anywhere...And that's why I make a point to remember each one of them"

"You really do love your job don't you Declan?" The passion in his eyes when he talked about his teaching methods was something beautiful and how did Molly admire people with passion, Declan smiled at the look Molly was giving him but before he could lean in closer like the oddly intimate moment demanded someone cleared his throat from the doorway and Molly sprang away from Declan, much to the teacher's disappointment.

"Molly I need the file for the John Doe that drowned in the fountain four weeks ago" Sherlock said, "innocently" interrupting the scene after accurately deducing that the four interns that had tried to stop him from reaching Molly's office had been in fact preventing him from meeting the new beu.

Barbara, Sienna and Tyler peered around the wall like the gossips they were and then Dr Watson rounded the corner to follow Sherlock they also pulled him back before he could could ruin what was already looking like an akward moment.

"Oh sure thing I think I have the file somewhere around here" Molly replied nervously almost dropping the picnic basket that Declan had given her "Soooo Sherlock, this is Declan Hartford, the man I told you about when I couldn't find my phone and Declan I suppose it was only a matter of time, meet Sherlock Holmes"

John Watson looked at the interns and mouthed 'this is going to end so badly' to them, but Barbara made a shushing motion.

"Failed agent that doesn't think he's good enough to practice on the field again, now a teacher with subpar aspirations, single for more than five years, orphan but adopted by a couple more interested in looking the part than raising a child, last romantic partner left because of his fertility issues, has more than five pets and lives alone in a flat too big for a bachelor, probably filled with knick knacks he collected from here and there" Sherlock deduced in his usual rapid fire way examining Hartford from head to toe making Molly's face flame red

"Sherlock not now" Molly muttered almost facepalming

Instead of being approximately cowed or outraged Declan chuckled in an indulgent way "you forgot the part where I watch too much television and get involved in the lives of my students to fill a hole in my own" amusement colored the man's features so well that Sherlock noticed that it immediately made Molly relax, which only made him feel angrier on an irrational level "A pleasure to meet you too Mr Holmes, admittedly for a man known as the terror of Scotland Yard I expect you to be...Less predictable than the average college freshman" Declan raised an eyebrow, humorously looking him up and down in the same way Sherlock had done with him "if I didn't know from Molly that you're a grown man why I would have thought the lack of manners, self indulgent walk and prickly nature meant you'd just left your first orientation meeting, but I was assured that you are in fact not a genius teenager on his first growth spurt" Declan then turned to Molly as if letting her in on a secret "I've had a couple of those pass through my lecture halls Molly, true behavioral nightmares with heads that never catch up to the changes in their bodies, one day I'll tell you what an adventure it was to meet them....But back to you Mr Holmes, don't let me keep you, you were about to tell me the why's and how's of my feelings for Molly here"

"I wasn't actually, your feelings for my pathologist are of no consequence to me" Sherlock remarked in a bored tone that sounded much too forced

"You weren't? Huh? Well looks like I was wrong after all Molly" Again Declan's patronizing smile made something in Sherlock flare with a need for violence as did Molly's nervous one "there is in fact a mature adult underneath the hedonistic narcissism of this one"

The interns and Dr Watson looked at each other, had that man just...Insulted Sherlock in his own language?.

Tyler looked like he'd found a new hero.

"Where did you find him and what cult do I have to join to learn the secrets of his ways?" Sienna asked Barbara in a low voice, Tyler nodded enthusiastically

Molly was impressed, she didn't show it but she was, the air between the two men was tense enough to cut with a knife but Molly refused to intervene, Declan was being as much of a prat as Sherlock and she wouldn't defend one over the other. That left her with two options, either diffuse the tension or leave them to their word sparring.

"Look, here it is Sherlock, the file you wanted" Molly said evenly thanking heavens that she was a stickler for paperwork filed meticulously "Declan wouldn't you rather wait for me in the reception I won't be long just need to close here"

"It's all right Molly, I can wait, I cleared my schedule just in case of any..." Declan eyed Sherlock in a smug way as though congratulating himself "Eventuality"

"Dr Watson you should get her out of that Alpha male powder keg" Tyler hissed watching the events unfold "Dr Hooper looks like she wants the Earth to swallow her"

"Wait what why me?" John was in the middle of texting Mary the new development and he didn't appreciate the interruption

"Because those two need to get the penis measurement contest over with and they won't do it with Miss bone of contention right there" Barbara piped up

"Go, go, go, tell her Dr Stamford wants a second opinion on Mrs Leighton's body" Tyler hissed paging his fellow intern "Patrick is on slab duty, he'll find an excuse to keep her busy"

And so John reluctantly stepped into the fray ready to be the best wingman a consulting detective could have and sent Molly out the door with a well placed excuse "oh well that's unfortunate, Sherlock, I know you hate to work with Anderson but if you could ask him to pull out the body of Jane Doe F-1 that would be great, I think we might be looking at a second victim" then she turned a kind smile to Declan That made Sherlock take a possessive step in her direction "And you, I'll meet you in the reception, fifteen minutes tops" And despite knowing better and not being as oblivious to the glares Sherlock and Declan were exchanging as she let them believe... Molly left them alone

The interns hurried up to hide as she passed through the door but once all of them knew she was out of hearing range they went back to spying

With Molly out of the way Sherlock lazily lifted his phone and did his best to pretend he was completely uninterested in both Hartford and Watson. "You should give up now Dennis, your tangle with her is obviously heading for disaster" Sherlock said in his best boredom tone

"Maybe" Hartford shrugged going for the equally unimpressed inflection without bothering to correct his name "But Molly is a wonderful woman, smart, kind, funny... I've always thought that if my heart was going to get broken one day, I might as well chose someone who's worth every single moment of it"

"Then you're an idiot, acting in the way you do" Sherlock was mildly irritated now specially with the other man's stupid condescending smile, it reminded him too much of Mycroft...if Mycroft were prone to smiles

"Better a happy idiot than an unhappy genius" Hartford apparently was no stranger to Sherlock's brand of obnoxiousness and wait was he enjoying this?

Nobody enjoyed making Sherlock Holmes uncomfortable unless they were Moriarty.

Watson on the other hand was only missing the popcorn as he watched the passive aggressive interlude

"Hn" Sherlock shrugged dismissing Hartford's words "I'm not unhappy, just looking oudistractionst for Moll y's best interest, you distract her from her work"

"Jealous?"

"No, simply concerned"

"Good, neither am I" And then by his body language alone Sherlock realized that he'd given not only the answer Hartford wanted, but the one he'd expected to get "You know why I left MI6 Mr Holmes? I got custody of two very surly teenagers and found quite by accident mind you that I hated not being able to be honest with people" Declan Hartford looked at the consulting detective in the eye and anticipated his next move "I'm not jealous of you Sherlock and do you want to know why?"

"By all means enlighten me"

"Because you are not competition" Declan's words were firm and jovial but they held all the seriousness of man that graded people for a living "to be competition you would actually have to admit to yourself that Molly matters more than you let everyone think she does" then he turned to a stunned John as though illustrating a point in a whiteboard "he can't be competition if he doesn't admit there is a prize to win"

"Molly will never love you, she's MY pathologist"

"Indeed she also loves you not me but love fades " Declan sighed with honest nonchalance that was quickly becoming his best weapon, startling Sherlock with his bluntness "And the law of action and reaction is on my side Mr Holmes, let us not underestimate basic physics, if I keep acting and Molly keeps reacting, then I'll be the force that moves her out of the inertia she has with you"

"And if I said that you're wrong?" Sherlock ground out trough grit teeth "that true inertia doesn't exist, not with Molly"

"Then I'd still claim you're not competition" Declan made for the door "Love is something that requires a certain amount of emotional insight...and while you are winning in every other area as far a intellect is concerned, I'm still ahead of you on that and to put it simply, I don't lie to myself when it comes to my feelings for Molly" With that parting shot Sherlock's new opponent breezed out the door leaving the man with a clenched jaw.

The interns that were eavesdropping immediately followed him and John was too dumbstruck

"So what are you going to do now Sherlock?" John asked quietly

Sherlock gave John a look that spoke volumes "what else Watson?" He stared at the door with a determined glare "I have no choice but to make sure Dennis regrets his words, that's all"

John didn't understand half of the unspoken things that had transpired between the two men. But one thing was for sure: the game was on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mountain of typoos. I have five min of wifi left  
> Declan Hartford was based on most of my exes just to show that a girl can have Mr Bingley and still be stupidly stuck in love with Mr Darcy  
> our song of the day is "A very nice Prince" from Into The Woods... That's basically how Molly is currently feeling

**Author's Note:**

> AN: this is what happens when you watch Sherlock and Grey’s anatomy together…the idea popped up when I started wondering how much crap from Sherlock Molly’s interns probably put up with during and after the fall...I mean come on who do you think gets paid to clean up after Sherlock when he's in St Bart's?  
> Ps: a review a day, keeps writer's block away


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